sometimes wish

It's Monday and I am already tired. The weekdays are just too long and I'm really feeling exhausted some days. Is it worth it? yes I know it is but sometimes it gets so hard to just keep going...

I sometimes wish my parents weren't immigrants and that we had more money or knowledge when I was growing up...I would mean I wouldn't have to work so hard now

I sometimes wish I didn't have to work and could go out on Tuesday night like I see plenty of other college kids doing

I sometimes wish I could have gotten to live in the dorms and have more a 'normal' going away to college experience

I sometimes wish I didn't have to help raise my nephew, playing babysitter or handing out discipline or checking homework. I didn't sign up to be a part-time mommy at 20

I sometimes wish I could just let loose and forget my responsibilities, get shitfaced like everyone else...

Then I remember how selfish these things sound when I sometimes wish it and remind myself to be grateful for every single opportunity I get.

I thank my mom and dad for coming here and working sometimes horrible jobs and facing deportation and discrimination because they loved their future babies so much that they would do anything to give us a better life

I thank my job for giving me a chance to do something creative and for employing me and working with my school schedule so I can not be a huge financial burden to my family

I thank my parents, brothers and sister, teachers and friends for supporting me in each and every one of my scholastic endeavors. School can be tough but I am so thankful for every book I read, every lecture I go to, and every assignment I have here at ASU. Going to college has been my biggest dream since I was a little girl.

I'm so thankful I have a family that supports me in everything I do and I'm grateful to get to be there for the next generation. It takes a village to raise a child and now that I'm not a child anymore I relish my place as a villager and helping cousins, nieces, and nephews in any way I can.

I thank my mom for making me into a reason filled young women who realizes that at a party with a couple of strong drinks I can have that one night...but with a good education, strong moral fiber, and deep determination I can reach my goals and have for the rest of my life.

Sometimes I get into that woe is me category and start to bring myself down..

♥

this post is to remind me to be grateful and thankful for everything I've had an opportunity to do and the great things I am blessed with in life.

Nobody can hold you back if you don't let them...

not even yourself.

I hope you have a fantastic Monday and have the strength to do great and big things this week.

Back Home Once Again

I arrived to my awaiting bed at around 1 AM this morning from what could be seen as the five most amazing days of my college career. My week consisted of waking up at 7, breakfast, morning meeting, group skit, discussion groups, lunch, afternoon meeting, afternoon activity, action groups, cabin time, dinner, sometimes an evening meeting, night activity, closing activity and getting to bed anytime from 12:30 to 1 am... and then waking up at 7 and repeating all that for five days straight.

I knew being a collegetown counselor would be a difficult job and would require me to be on my game 24/7 but I never knew it would change me as much as it did.

doing intense skits on gender, different families, oppression, prejudice and genocide was at times incredibly difficult and emotionally draining but seeing all the ASU students (delegates) crying and in pain and doing difficult emotional work was worth it because through that we inspire change and hand them the tools to go out into the world and initiate change.

It felt right coming home on Martin Luther King Jr. Day and remembering an incredible figure in our history that dedicated his life to changing the world. The quote on the back of our collegetown shirts really sums up what we were trying to achieve up in Prescott this week

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that has."

Today think about how far we have come and how we have still to go and go out into your community and out into your college campuses make a difference.

This week I will be blogging about last week and how really life changing it was to be with those 100 people freezing in Prescott...

but today It's just a simple message that I'm back home, in love with the idea of living in a better world, and dreading unpacking, doing laundry, and starting my spring semester of classes tomorrow.

If you want to learn more about the anytown program you can email me at

comeflywithme (dot) mari (at) gmail.com

or visit this website

ps- I totally learned how to do "The Jerk" up there so be prepared for some awe inspiring moves =)

Top 5 Tattoos (on my "to get" list)

I am sort of feeling those vibes of rebellions that wash over me in waves every once in a while. I lead a pretty straight-laced life so when the pressure mounts I usually let loose. My poison of choice you ask? I either get completely trashed (once every 14 months) get another piercing (at once point I was up to 15!) or my favorite, pick up a new tattoo.

I have planned to save my debauchery filled drunken night for New Years Eve, have become a total wuss in the past couple months when it comes to needles and am hopelessly too broke for a tattoo- So I compiled a wish list (I wish I was cool enough to have a shoe wish list or purse one but I'm, sadly, completely satisfied with my one huge tote and live in converse for comfort and to keep my 5' 9" giant self out of the sky)

Here we go the Top 5 Tattoos

on my "To Get" list:

#5

The flag of the state of Arizona in the shape of a heart

No matter how much I fell like I am going to die from the excruciating heat in the summer, or the hate of being surrounded by the fake tans and fake boobs that is Snottsdale, or by the fear of being trapped here- it's home, and "home is where the heart is". No matter how far I go or where I end up- I'll remember and carry with me my Arizona roots. Born an Arizonan. Raised an Arizonan. Die an Arizonan.

#4

A Pin-Up Zombie Tattoo

yeah you heard read right! Now the question is "why the hell would you want that?" For me it would mean beauty in all shapes, sizes, forms (human or not) would mean power and intelligence over love (she would be holding a heart in one hand and eating the brain!) because I don't ever want to lose myself, my independence, or equality for a man or for love- as I've seen happen before. It would also have Beatrice's line from Much Ado About Nothing "O God! that I were a man! I would eat his heart out in the marketplace!"

#3

A Paleta

YES! A popsicle! but better! I want a Mexican popsicle, paleta, with green, white and red sprinkles to signify the mexican flag. Every year for vacation we would go down to Tijuana to visit family and the highlight of each trip was getting to walk down to the Paleteria, or ice cream shop, with my mom and sister down the street and pick up paletas in the flavors of mango, or strawberry, pineapple or coconut all made with fresh fruit and from milk. It's those summer days with just us girls in Mexico that really made me fall in love with the country and culture.

#2

Day of the Dead Sugar Skull, Virgen de Guadeloupe, and Loteria cards sleeve

I already have the sugar skull on my left arm and am waiting for pictures from a photo shoot I did for a friend to post about the tattoos I already have, but I want to continue it down to a 3/4 arm sleeve. On my inner arm I want the Virgrn de Guadeloupe done in a traditional American tattoo style:

as well as some loteria cards around my elbow and some flowers to finish off the whole thing.

My plan is to do the full sleeve of popular Mexican iconography but all done in traditional American tattoo style. It just fell like me.

#1

A portrait of my mom

There are beautiful pictures of my mom from the 70's and one painted portrait of her at age 14 that would all be perfect for this. A simple black and grey portrait of her on my right forearm with filigree is my # 1 most wanted tattoo. Of course she hates the idea and I look so much like her when she was my age so hopefully it doesn't end up looking like a self-portrait- but I can;t think of a better way to carry around the person who means the most to me in this world.

These were my top 5 and rest assured there are plenty more on my mind. What tattoo's are going to make their way onto your top 5 list or someday skin?

Imagine

"Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today"

On last week's episode of Glee they did a cover or Imagine and it got me remembering to when I sang that song for the first time.

I went to a camp that promoted social justice, tolerance, and diversity called Anytown when I was 15. That week up in Prescott changed me. I met amazing new people with completely different stories to tell, I laughed, I cried, I cried. I cried. We got to the heart of the feelings felt by completely different people that had experiences.

At the beginning of my stay there I was shy and out of my element and not really knowing what I was supposed to be learning or going through. I wasn't sure what I should be feeling until one amazing man got up and told his story to everyone. He told us how hard it was for him to come out to his family and tell them he was gay. He told us how it was devastating when he found out about a plot his brother was involved in to have him killed for being gay. Right then, seeing the pain such a good friend of mine was going through, such a kind and amazing person, I got it, what anytown was about, and I pretty much just broke down. It killed me that people could do this to one another. That we would go around hurting each other because "it's not right". From then on I really try to be a warrior in the war for social justice- and yes that means gay rights.

I know many of my friends and perhaps readers have political ideologies that lean to the right but this is something that was just on my mind...I hope I don't offend anyone, but...

I dream for the day when people can marry each other no matter their race, religion, or sex and the only thing people will care about is the love that that couple share. Where "good parents" aren't defined by the presence of a mommy and a daddy but any couple who will love their children unconditionally.

I dream about a world where men and women are really equal and a glass ceiling is term to describe the CEO office of MS. Jones- which just happens to have wall to wall windows, where domestic abuse is an unheard of thing from the past and where rape is nonexistent.

I dream about a world where skin color is observed in ways to see how many beautiful hues of people are in this world and not to discriminate and hate people who are a different color.

"You may say that I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will be as one"

what are you dreaming for?

ps. I'm also dream of a world where sweet, loving, amazing people get what what they dream for in their lives. Please go over to sweet Summer's blog and send your love.