Wednesday, March 23, 2011

With a heavy heart.

I have been offline for awhile just because I was still trying to understand my time in NYC and write about that but taking my time because school and work and life gets in the way of keeping something like a blog up that need to be something you want to do anyway.

I may be hard to understand and in a very different mood than any other post as well as unsure of myself and what to write.

There has been a death in the family (that is what I keep telling the people I have to call and write to like managers and professors)

To be exact it was my brother Manuel that has passed away.

So much has gone through me today that I just don't know what to feel.
I'm only writing right now because I need something more to do than sit and look at the wall with my family, friends and loved ones.

I thought today that I was going to come over to my mom's house and do laundry and hangout and not have to talk to police and the medical examiners office. I never thought I would have to look up funeral homes.

My mom carried that child with her, in her for 9 months and now she has to carry him to the ground and thinking about that alone breaks my heart.

This is such a traumatic and sudden event we are in the process of getting all the pieces of what happened as the day goes on.

People are so nice- that is what is killing me about today that everyone is giving us so much support and love. People are offering up anything and everything they can do for us and it just doesn't seem real yet.

I don't know how this is supposed to happen. How we are going to keep on going from now on. I wish there was a website that gave me a plan of what we are supposed to do from here.

Things are so bad about this situation I just needed to spit something up on the computer and go from there.

I feel like this isn't my life.

8 comments:

Lindsay said...

OMG Mari!! I am so sorry to hear that :( Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. I know this will be the hardest thing you have to face in your life. Hugs from North Dakota.

{andthisiswhatshesaid} said...

my heart breaks reading this news. I am so so sorry Mari. I know what it is like to lose someone. I love you, please know that I am here for you no matter what.

brittany said...

oh mari i am so sorry. i know no words can help with what you are feeling right now. i wish i was there to give you a hug.

my thoughts go out to you and your family at this terrible time.

CAPow! said...

so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what your family is going through right now.

Connie said...

Oh Mari! I am so sorry for your loss! I wish I had a better way to express this to you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Be strong, i know that is so hard though.

Miss Caitlin S. said...

OMG Mari, I have no idea what to say, Hugs, Kisses, Prayers, Good Thoughts, everything to you. I am so sorry, I am so sorry. :( Take it day by day, I am so sorry beautiful Mari and I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers to your family Mari and neverending support sent to you.

Erin said...

So very very sorry for your loss.
you are in my families thoughts.

Kara said...

Oh, Mari. I can't even imagine. I pray for healing and recovery for you and your family. Please email/call if you need anything <3