Chit Chat

Is it alright if we can just cuddle up and chat for a bit? It is seriously my favorite thing to do. Grabbing coffee with a good friend or bugging my mom while she is watching her telenovelas and snuggling with Ross, him making me laugh, make my days so bright and happy.

There has been so much going on lately that I haven't had to blog or do other activities that are on my dod to list. But don't ever feel like you're just running to catch up all the time? My room is a mess and my mind is just as cluttered and I just want to chit chat with you all about something things on my mind.

On School- My focus was so off this semester and it showed in how ehh my grades were. I'm just so apathetic to it all and it feels wrong since my one dream in life has been to go to college but boy oh boy is it all getting old fast. I went to my best friend's graduation ceremony last night (Congrats Sara on your Bachelors of Science in Design Studies, Design Management!!) and it helped to put everything into perspective. I'm feeling that want to learn more and study and do the whole college thing and that makes me quite excited for next semester and for getting my shizz together to graduate in the next year!

On Moving- Yep I tweeted about it the other day but I am moving from my parents house out to another place a little closer to town and Tempe and ASU. My parents made an investment on a little mobile home (which looks more home than mobile so that works) and I'm moving in with my brother and maybe sister to take care of the bills and fix up the place. I am excited to get to paint and decorator but I already started with the closet (it had wood paneling! I though I was gonna die!) and after 4 coats of paint and still not anywhere close to being done I'm already feeling that I've bitten off more than I can chew. I haven't even started packing or cleaning so that adds more stress but I am excited to finally be moving my bed and desks and for the first time officially moving out of my parents house 100% (this means ALL my stuff and furniture) I'm excited for that change and taking another step to really growing up.

On Working Out- Since classes ended so has my regular workout schedule =( I;m not eating that well and trying to fit in workouts when I can but I can already feel the effects of not working out all the time! I'm tired and sluggish but I am really hoping when I get moved in and ready to go I can dive head first into working out and cooking and planning out meals and all in all a healthier lifestyle.

On Ross- Wow. I fell like the luckiest girl in the world. Luckiest girl in the world or lottery winner...both? yeah I feel like both having an awesome hair day and feelings skinny...that's how good I feel. I would get all mushy gushy but Ross has seen the blog! I know and if that's not bad enough we're following each other on twitter now so my plan B of escaping to tweet abou all the mushy gushy I can't contain is a no-go.

On Cats- Hello Ross' kitties! However much I was totally not a cat person before I can't help but love your furry little butts! The way you two meow or the cute little faces you make just makes my cute-o-meter go off the charts! Even if you two started picking me flowers, no amount of cuteness would make up for you two pooping in a box and then walking around all up in it. EWE.

♥

What do you wanna chit-chat about?

I'm not a size 2

I have never been this size. I would have to stop eating completely to get even close to a size 2 and in the end I think I could only make it to a 4.

♥

No matter how much I wish I looked like this when I looked in the mirror- I will never have that body. Looking into a picture of Megan is the closet I'll get to looking like that.

♥

What i've realized is that it's not the end of the world...

I'f I'm not a size 2.

These girls realized that it's okay to not be like Megan.

They aren't a size 2 but they look every bit as fierce as Megan.

♥

This beauty looks better in a retro style than Megan in a bikini to me.

♥

Christina Hendricks was Esquire's sexiest woman and look! She's not a size 2.

Actually you can surly see her curves are killer.

♥

None of these girls are a size 2 and I can't help but find everyone one of them more beautiful than Miss Megan too. They have confidence and radiant beauty. They aren't starving themselves to be thin and beating themselves up when they eat badly and neither should I.

♥

I work out 3 times a week and eat regularly pretty healthy foods and if I'm never a size 2- so be it. I am proud of how strong I am getting and how good I feel when I eat lots of veggies and greens. Felling good and strong is more important than hitting a certain number and I just have to remind myself that it's just not the way my body was built. I am curvy. Hell Ross loves my curvy body and this is my declaration that I love it too!

Curvy to me is real beauty and it helps just having a reminder of all the other beautiful women who will never be a size 2.

Like this classic beauty. She was never a size 2...

and pretty sure that didn't stop her from being the blond bombshell

♥

Eat healthy loves. Workout and feel great and don't beat yourself up over that slice of chocolate cake or curvaceous hips.

Fat Kid Syndrome

Surprise, surprise I was a fat kid.

♥

White bread eating, m & m loving, inside staying fat kid.

As a former fat kid now trying to get in shape I feel that I'm now suffering from fat kid syndrome

Fat Kid Syndrome: n; latin, stems from being an over weight child who was not active and now effects activity, energy, and ability when exercising in later life.

I hated going outside in the hot Arizona sun.

I loved arts and crafts and subbing my recess for reading time.

I ate like I needed to build up a layer of fat for hibernation.

I had asthma as a kid and would rather do long division than run.

Cut to the new me that is IITGI and spending more time at the gym then on the couch. I have shreded, yoga-ed, sweated it out on an the elliptical and bike but was still too scared to try to run.

That was until Friday night when I had to make it to that lightrail stop and needed to book it to get to it. I ran. My lungs didn't burn. I didn't want to stop after three steps. I actually felt like I had great form and speed and was really having fun.

♥

I really thought I had something like Fat Kid Syndrome that kept me at the back of the pack or from really trying because I knew I'd just fail. That short Friday sprint was the boost of confidence to keep me going on.

before my hike Sunday

Fat Kid Syndrome can eat it...I'm going for a run.

Peanut Butter (Apple) Time

♥

I haven't had time to cook anything worth putting up here this week. I've been mostly just eating apples like my name was Johnny Appleseed and downing protein shakes to keep my bootie hopping at the gym and trying hard to stay away from the cheesecake in the fridge. I did, however want to spotlight how Uh-mazing apple and peanut butter is. It has been extra special to me these past couple weeks in the morning while on the run or lat eat night when I really just want to down a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Last night I added raisins into the mix and OMFG was that delicious.

I must be committed when I'm so IITGI that I'm thinking God for the invention of raisins and for the light bulb that went off in my head to add it into the mix.

So thank you apples. Thank you peanut butter. Thank you raisins. You make me like being and eating healthy so much more.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In other thoughts I have some comments to the general public in light of my new found gym addiction.

To the girl with 3% body fat on the next elliptical machine:

Umm yeah don't give me that look that says "eat cake much" when I get on the machine two machines down from you. Yes I ate cake much, that is why I'm at the gym, and no not everyone has just 3% body fat...obviously I don't, that's why I'm sweating like a fat kid at summer camp two machines down from you!

To my fellow classmates:

I just came from the gym. Yes I know I smell. Yes I've been wearing these gym shorts for two days now. Yes I own a hair dryer and make-up but I'm not dating you, so no I'm not gonna use em right now and, yes I'm gonna come looking like hell to class. Sorry.

To Jillian Michaels:

So I bought your yoga DVD looking for something a little more relaxing than the 30 Day Shred but I should have know that with your face on the cover you were gonna turn yoga into something where you want to say "F*** This!" and not "Yamaste"

ps. I still hurt (in places I didn't know existed)

Hope you all have a fantastic Wednesday!

In the ZONE

I just got back from burning 700+ calories off at the gym and I love how good you feel there. I feel like I was left out of the cool kids club because no one ever told me what a high you can get from pumping it out on the elliptical. Don't get me wrong, I hurt right now and I really have to talk myself into going sometimes, but I just get into the zone when I'm there. It feels like it is just me and Lady Gaga leaving our hearts on the dance floor when I get in that zone.

Thank you, everyone for your sweet comments and inspiration on my last post. It means so much that I'm not in this alone. I have a community that holds me accountable. I feel like when it starts to hurt at the gym I can hear this amazing blog community telling me to take just one more stride and go for it.

I have always been the fat girl. Always. I was 5'7" and thick in 5th grade and by 7th grade I wore a size 12/14. In high school I wore a size 18 and at my worst (260 lbs) I should have been getting a size 20. I felt like I didn't deserve to do things that the thinner prettier people got to do or that I should settle on the opportunities I got. Settle on the people who would date me. Settle on the careers that were acceptable for how I looked. Settle for the outings my fat self felt comfortable in.

well fuck that!

This weight loss goal means so much more to me than just a number on my pair of jeans. It's the road to letting me finally be the best me I can be. If I want something, I can strive to be that, to do that, have that and never settle again. I used the way I looked and felt about myself to keep me from doing things that were challenging or from doing things/having things that I felt only belonged to the pretty people.

You know what I have learned these past couple weeks?

That I can finish workouts on the gym equipment.

That I can hold myself accountable for I eat.

That I can have whatever I want, no matter my size or shape.

I really like being in that zone. The gym at ASU has become my second home and boy does it make me happy to work out. Those endorphins are better than any drug out there and are keeping me sane. I just wish I would have found that out before, but the important thing is that I know it now. Thank you again IITGI and amazing fellow bloggers.

I hope your Monday is filled with self-realizations and if anyone in the Mesa/Tempe/Phoenix area wants a workout buddy I'm at the SRC every Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Just drop me a line at comeflywithme (dot) mari (at) gmail (dot) com

I'm gonna be in it.

No I'm not actually "In It" as in the blog but I'm am loving this blog and I'm gonna be in it to lose weight.

Today will be day two at the gym for me, going for 2-2.5 hours on the bike and elliptical (again thank you personal TVs!) and I'm saying it here that for my birthday and possible graduation party that I want to have a Kim Kardashian legs so I can wear a hoochie dress and sky high stilettos and I want visible clavicle bones...not sunk under fat as they are now. I'm gonna be really brave and post my weight on the side of the blog and then you can hold me accountable when I eat a whole box of Dunkin' Donuts and gain 3 pounds...fellow bloggers please tell me I have to get my butt to the gym!

The end goal? 170 or a size 8

(this coming from the girl who has always been a double digit size and at 170 for me that would be Giselle hott)

Together we can do it =)

and thanks In It To Gym It for relly making me want to buckle down and do this for real.

Maybe I'll do it if I tell you about it

me and my cousin Marisa January 2009

My 20th birthday is coming up along with fall and the holiday season (yay- I'm doing my first blogger ornament exchange here) and I had a little goal in mind for this birthday but I haven't really started or really said anything about it but if I write it here maybe it'll give me some backbone to do it.

Here is the story- January 2009 I was about a size 18-maybe I even got up to 20 during the holidays (and wow goodness knows I never thought I was going to be writing those numbers up here) but from January to June I lost about 40 lbs. and made it to the purchase of a size 12 pair of jeans (my mom had to restrain me from screaming in joy in the middle of the store). Cross out the bad days I've had and I've just about stayed the same in size since then. 12 wasn't my goal though...

What I would really want to do now though is make it to a number I really never thought I would see: 8. My goal for my 20th birthday would be to be a size 8.

Now it may seem like "8? that's still pretty big" but I'm 5'9" and my weight is pretty well spread out so for me an 8 would be like Giselle. Add my height to the fact that I've always been on the heavier side and 8 seems like Mt. Everest to me, even after all the weight I've already lost. I'm used to being big- I was never short or skinny and I've never looked young- people usually guess that I'm around 24 (that's before they hear me talk about Harry Potter or Spongebob Squarepants!) and for once being a single digit would make me feel normal- like all the other girls.

I'm still getting used to how I look now (most of the time, in my eyes, I don't see that anything has changed and that I still look the same) but making to an 8 would be indescribable for me. Coming this far was something I really never thought I would be able to do- but going all way would really mean something to me.

I guess why I'm blogging about this is because I just ate half a calzone and scarfed down a doughnut from work (I know- not my wisest choices since now I feel SICK!) so I figured I need more accountability and tips and advice to make it all the way. Since I've already lost some weight I find myself out of 'the zone' and thinking that it's okay to eat chocolate, bread, and a bunch of other not-so-good foods all the time. It's not okay to eat all that junk since if I start to go back to old habits it's not only unhealthy, I could end up gaining the weight I lost (maybe some more) and yo-yo dieting is seriously not good for my heart.

So buying a size 8 pair of jeans is something I really want to do. It may not be the wisest thing to start this right before the high holy days of eat-till-your-stomach-hurts-and-you-starts-groaning feasting but to make it the big 20 (out of my teens and out double digit sizes) would be the best birthday present I could give to myself- self confidence and better health.

me and Marisa March 2009

Do you have any goals you just might be to scared to go for?