Monday, April 5, 2010

In the ZONE

I just got back from burning 700+ calories off at the gym and I love how good you feel there. I feel like I was left out of the cool kids club because no one ever told me what a high you can get from pumping it out on the elliptical. Don't get me wrong, I hurt right now and I really have to talk myself into going sometimes, but I just get into the zone when I'm there. It feels like it is just me and Lady Gaga leaving our hearts on the dance floor when I get in that zone.

Thank you, everyone for your sweet comments and inspiration on my last post. It means so much that I'm not in this alone. I have a community that holds me accountable. I feel like when it starts to hurt at the gym I can hear this amazing blog community telling me to take just one more stride and go for it.

I have always been the fat girl. Always. I was 5'7" and thick in 5th grade and by 7th grade I wore a size 12/14. In high school I wore a size 18 and at my worst (260 lbs) I should have been getting a size 20. I felt like I didn't deserve to do things that the thinner prettier people got to do or that I should settle on the opportunities I got. Settle on the people who would date me. Settle on the careers that were acceptable for how I looked. Settle for the outings my fat self felt comfortable in.

well fuck that!

This weight loss goal means so much more to me than just a number on my pair of jeans. It's the road to letting me finally be the best me I can be. If I want something, I can strive to be that, to do that, have that and never settle again. I used the way I looked and felt about myself to keep me from doing things that were challenging or from doing things/having things that I felt only belonged to the pretty people.

You know what I have learned these past couple weeks?
That I can finish workouts on the gym equipment.
That I can hold myself accountable for I eat.
That I can have whatever I want, no matter my size or shape.

I really like being in that zone. The gym at ASU has become my second home and boy does it make me happy to work out. Those endorphins are better than any drug out there and are keeping me sane. I just wish I would have found that out before, but the important thing is that I know it now. Thank you again IITGI and amazing fellow bloggers.

I hope your Monday is filled with self-realizations and if anyone in the Mesa/Tempe/Phoenix area wants a workout buddy I'm at the SRC every Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Just drop me a line at comeflywithme (dot) mari (at) gmail (dot) com


Kara said...

You are amazing! I'm sticking with my workout plan too and couldn't be happier. I feel great and I can already feel a difference in my legs and arms (now only if the tum would hurry up!). If I still lived in Tempe I'd be all over a gym date with you!

Keep pumpin' that iron rock :)

Erin said...

I need your motivation!!

Carrie said...

I was searching out the emails for the members of my Page Turners Book Club (starting a newsletter list) when I stumbled across your lovely blog.

May I just say: YOU ROCK! :) I'm now officially a follower.

I'm on a weight loss track of my own and I have to say that your motivation is impressive. Kudos, and keep kicking that goal's ass! ;)

Miss Caitlin S. said...

I think it's awesome how much you're working out and going for it. As I said before, it's not really the number- I feel like it's just the beautiful feeling you gain from working out. It really does make you feel better in every single way! And I am loving "fuck that" ahha :) Glad you have support- working out without it sucks especially when you just want to lay on your stomach and eat ice cream all day on the couch. Not that I ever do that...

Eden said...

you are such an inspiration, girl. :)