I just got back from burning 700+ calories off at the gym and I love how good you feel there. I feel like I was left out of the cool kids club because no one ever told me what a high you can get from pumping it out on the elliptical. Don't get me wrong, I hurt right now and I really have to talk myself into going sometimes, but I just get into the zone when I'm there. It feels like it is just me and Lady Gaga leaving our hearts on the dance floor when I get in that zone.
Thank you, everyone for your sweet comments and inspiration on my last post. It means so much that I'm not in this alone. I have a community that holds me accountable. I feel like when it starts to hurt at the gym I can hear this amazing blog community telling me to take just one more stride and go for it.
I have always been the fat girl. Always. I was 5'7" and thick in 5th grade and by 7th grade I wore a size 12/14. In high school I wore a size 18 and at my worst (260 lbs) I should have been getting a size 20. I felt like I didn't deserve to do things that the thinner prettier people got to do or that I should settle on the opportunities I got. Settle on the people who would date me. Settle on the careers that were acceptable for how I looked. Settle for the outings my fat self felt comfortable in.
well fuck that!
This weight loss goal means so much more to me than just a number on my pair of jeans. It's the road to letting me finally be the best me I can be. If I want something, I can strive to be that, to do that, have that and never settle again. I used the way I looked and felt about myself to keep me from doing things that were challenging or from doing things/having things that I felt only belonged to the pretty people.
You know what I have learned these past couple weeks?
That I can finish workouts on the gym equipment.
That I can hold myself accountable for I eat.
That I can have whatever I want, no matter my size or shape.
I really like being in that zone. The gym at ASU has become my second home and boy does it make me happy to work out. Those endorphins are better than any drug out there and are keeping me sane. I just wish I would have found that out before, but the important thing is that I know it now. Thank you again IITGI and amazing fellow bloggers.
I hope your Monday is filled with self-realizations and if anyone in the Mesa/Tempe/Phoenix area wants a workout buddy I'm at the SRC every Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Just drop me a line at comeflywithme (dot) mari (at) gmail (dot) com