With a heavy heart.

I have been offline for awhile just because I was still trying to understand my time in NYC and write about that but taking my time because school and work and life gets in the way of keeping something like a blog up that need to be something you want to do anyway.

I may be hard to understand and in a very different mood than any other post as well as unsure of myself and what to write.

There has been a death in the family (that is what I keep telling the people I have to call and write to like managers and professors)

To be exact it was my brother Manuel that has passed away.

So much has gone through me today that I just don't know what to feel.

I'm only writing right now because I need something more to do than sit and look at the wall with my family, friends and loved ones.

I thought today that I was going to come over to my mom's house and do laundry and hangout and not have to talk to police and the medical examiners office. I never thought I would have to look up funeral homes.

My mom carried that child with her, in her for 9 months and now she has to carry him to the ground and thinking about that alone breaks my heart.

This is such a traumatic and sudden event we are in the process of getting all the pieces of what happened as the day goes on.

People are so nice- that is what is killing me about today that everyone is giving us so much support and love. People are offering up anything and everything they can do for us and it just doesn't seem real yet.

I don't know how this is supposed to happen. How we are going to keep on going from now on. I wish there was a website that gave me a plan of what we are supposed to do from here.

Things are so bad about this situation I just needed to spit something up on the computer and go from there.

I feel like this isn't my life.

Our Lover's Days

I'm ehh over Valentines day because I truly love Ross everyday and gush about him 365 days a year and not just one. If I have a day off we would spend any day like we did this past Monday but on Valentine's day we eat everything we can in a heart shape.

Anyhoo these are some photos I couldn't help but take of our beautiful picnic and lovely weather.

WHOOPS!!!

Don't worry It is just Ross's hariy leg. Boy did this picture make me laugh...

Ross on the other hand was less than pleased.

By this time tommorrow I will be boarding a plane to NYC. I'll be blogging as much as I can to document and remember while I'm gone.

Lots of love lovers.

As some of you already know I am on my way to NYC at the end of this week.

If you don't know and would like to read a little more about it you can read about it here.

Anyways I'm leaving this Friday and have started a little blog to document my experiences as a delegate for the organization I'm going with as well as for student here at ASU. You can find it here.

I will also be posting some of the posts here while I'm away so that Ross can see it and you'll can read about it. I'll be posting about some highlights from the trip as well as some problems or interesting situations I've dealt with so far.

AS of right now I'm hoping I'm not getting sick and trying to comprehend how cold it's gonna be in NYC.

A question out there for anyone in NYC:

Anything you really loved and would advise someone to do?

And how easy is it for a newbie to navigate public transportation with luggage in tow?

Happy day

The sun is shining!

I got a new haircut (it's a little Katy Perry inspired)

had some chai tea with boba

The news in Egypt...

this day is BEAUTIFUL!

PLUS when I got home not one but TWO of my books had come in from amazon

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Little Bee

(I needed some great airport and down time books for my upcoming trip to NYC!)

Oh yeah- this time next week I'll be getting ready to go to NYC and boy am I excited

(I had to figure out what business casual was and now I want to do like 10 outfit posts on the stuff I ended up finding)

anyhoo- I also got these fantastic business cards in the mail and am in love!

Thank You so much Brittany! You can see and shop all of here wonderful designs

HERE

Plus being the great friend that she is Brittany is profiling my shop on here site today so go check that out

HERE

PLUS tonight I'm hanging out with Ross's mom Suzanne and we're seeing a play.

Perfect Friday!! Have a great weekend lovers!

Not a happy camper.

I was in such a good mood

correction- Thankfully I'm a good mood everyday so

I was in my everyday mood when I heard some news.

Family members. medical stuff. not good

and it just makes me sad because I just don't know what to do?

where do I go from here, how can I contribute and make something happen that is worth while?

Do I cry? Do I make you cookies?

Do I blog?

I wish these things didn't happen but is there something I can do to help you?

(is that how I should ask them)

BLAHH

I'm very much in a contemplative place right now and I just hope we can all work through this.

At the end of the day we have to keep living right? Some people get to do great and wonderful things in their lives and others are sick (or they then get to do great and wonderful things while being sick)

I'm just going to offer my help, say I'm sorry, be there, hope for the best.

Pray to...science(?) that they can figure it out and start a blanket because I'll take my cues from southern women who, come hell or high water, have some fantastic quilts, yummy food, and a hand a hold when shit gets tough.

Etsy

MY NEW ETSY SHOP

Yeah I know I've posted about my brand new shop on Big Cartel but long story short I did not like big cartel after all (it sucked) and have since learned the error of my ways and have headed over to Etsy where I just opened up shop for the second time =0

So stop on over and check out all the new cool stuff happening over there and as a special treat for all come fly with me readers I'm offering free shipping for all orders booked this month!

Use coupon code: newshop

Also look out for some crochet items exclusive to the blog here (meaning not posted to Etsy but just available on this here blog)

Thank you Ross for helping my with all the photos and for snapping this picture of me and Mao who was watching us work the entire time.

In my best Casey Kasem voice...

"This one goes out to Ross Johnson from your girlfriend Marisela who says she loves you more and more day after day"

I love him just a little bit =)

Burrito Ross

I love Chiptole. Like love them so much I submitted one of those cheesy cup and bag stores (oh black beans I love you so much) just to see if they would pick me and send me some coupons or a free burrito or two. I love Chipotle that much. Yo being a vegetarian the rice-black beans-fajitas veggies-pico-corn-sour cream-cheese-guac combo is TO DIE FOR.

I also love Ross.

Me and Ross spend tons of time together, almost all of our time together, and I love it. Sometimes when we've stayed inside to long watching netflix and eating leftovers we do tend to get a little stir crazy and I tickle him or in this case combined my love for Ross and Chipotle into on to create Burrito Ross.

Want to make your own burrito someone?

All I did was make our bed and make sure everything was nice and neat got Ross to lay down and then rolled him up in the covers. Remember you're making a burrito so make sure to tuck and roll and you go.

I shoved a pillowcase on his feet that were hanging out so they wouldn't be cold but I was laughing so hard I had to take a picture.

I wrapped and tucked so well that Ross was basically stuck (and then I laughed harder and told him to get out of it while I watched).

When Ross finally gained control of his arms again he promptly tried to cover his handsome face. :(

I'm way to mean to Ross sometimes. I tickle him and poke him and sometimes wake him up if I'm bored and can't fall asleep. He is such a good sport and I'm so happy he let me roll him up in a blanket. That's love =)

Happy Monday

I'm not a lady

Whenever anyone uses the word lady to describe someone else I instantly think of Audrey Hepburn. To me she is the epitome of what a lady is and when someone uses that descriptor I compare that person to Audrey.

If we are making comparisons to Audrey I sure don't make it to the cut of lady.

I don't dress up every day. I actually almost never dress up.

I burp and say bad words

I tickle Ross and say unlady like things.

I drink and I let loose unlike a lady.

I scare kitties.

I sat down next to Ross and told him that sadly I'm not a lady.

He said "you're enough of a lady" and that makes sense to me.

I feel that need to look pretty and be polite and nice but I love that freedom to be brave, wild and crude. Ross gives me that freedom, I give myself that freedom to do stupid things and dress in pjs all day if it pleases me. I can fix cars or bake cookies or make a mess or sleep in till afternoon and that is okay. I'm a lady enough. I don't stress myself out trying to be anything more than me and sometimes I just have to remember that is good enough.

Wanna be pen pals?

Summer posted about wanting to use up some amazing stationary she had and start writing snail mail and I think is is such a great idea.

I know postage is more expensive than an email and writing an actual letter takes time but there really is nothing like opening up a fresh letter that just came in the mail. I would love to sen out some letters and you would like one from me or to become pen pals email me at

marisela (dot) cabrera (dot) 2011 @gmail.com

I get so happy when I get letters in the mail and I would love to be able to send some out there too. =)

Goodbye 2010 Hello 2011

In 2010 I..............

On New Years Eve last year I celebrated with my sister and friends and got sick of jello shots :(

I made my first crocheted beanie and never stopped.

I had another life changing experience with Anytown's's programs and was a counselor at the collegetown camp.

I had a tattoo photo shoot and died the rest of year because of lack of funds to keep getting tattoos.

I mushed on gushed on this blog and told you about Ross. I loved 2010 because this blog saw me fall in love.

I shared my love for Queen in 2010

I became a vegetarian.

Ross had a birthday and I made him Cheesecake.

I was In It To Gym It for awhile and need to be again

I saw Muse and died when they played Starlight

I realized that I wasn't the size or shape of my body.

I made a mistake and learned big from it.

I wrote about my secret love of musicals!

I moved in with Ross, got my beautiful bicycle and had an adventure.

I fell in love with the Kitties and we had more adventures

We went to ASU's Homecoming and then it was Halloween and we went out.

I super fell in love with Ross but sometimes we still disagree.

I opened a store at Big Cartel, but am now in 2011 moving so look out :0

I got accepted into a program in NYC and I'm going in February and couldn't be more excited.

I finally turned 21 and we celebrated

And then it was Christmas and we were all happy.

How was your 2010?

New Years Eve 2010

In 2010 it was the best Christmas of my life: It was also the best New Years Eve too.

I had a midnight kiss to remember.

(I really wanted a 70's look for this picture because It reminds me of pictures of my parents from the 70's that we have in photo albums in storage. )

Met new friends for 2011. (and hello I want purple hair soooo bad!)

Found a gorilla at the party.

Found a friend too.

It was so cold in Arizona on NYE that we were inside a house yet everyone still had on their jackets. We left at around 1 and when we left there was frost and ice on everything. This is not typical behavior for AZ so all those folks out there saying "oh no ice!? WE GOT A BLIZZARD!" my thin blood isn't prepared to deal with it. I was freeeeezing.

NYE 2010

I pray

I'm not religious. In fact I don't believe in God.

I can't.

Even when I was singing in the choir at my old Catholic church I never felt moved. It just felt like I was trying to hard.

What I do feel sometimes though is the need to pray. It doesn't make sense since it's not really directed to anyone but I pray for health, for the ones I love, and for people in pain. Those old Catholic habits die hard and so I pray. I pray for motivation and inspiration to make change happen and to handle the change that happens to me. I pray to the world. I pray to myself.

On Saturday I prayed. I was born and raised and still live in Arizona. The mountains, the dirt, the heat, and the sunsets are a part of me. I am so saddened and hurt by what happened in Arizona on Saturday in Tuscon.

I pray for Congresswoman Giffords, her staff, everyone injured, those who have sadly passed away and their families.

I was so mad and hurt and upset. Twitter and Facebook were a storm and from the people around me I kept hearing explanations to the rest of the United States like "This isn't what Arizona is like" and "Arizona is the wild wild west" to try and not make it seem like Arizona is this beacon on prejudice, bigotry and hate, but for when you think about it kinda is.

I was saddened and hurt by what happened on Saturday but a part of me thought that that could happen here and that part of me got really sad.

We have minute men who volunteer to turn in (sometimes shoot??) desperate immigrants from Mexico. We have private prison business investors writing legislation like SB1070 so that they can make money off of those desperate illegal immigrants. We have Sheriff Joe Arpaio who with his campaign of cleaning out is targeting the Hispanic community. Even though it isn't legal for gays to marry in AZ we pass legislation to change the constitutions to further that sentiment and only value the marriage of a man and women.

I will always love Arizona, but being a first generation Hispanic I don't feel like Arizona loves me back. I feel like there is target on me questioning my citizenship status. I wonder if while I sit in class my fellow classmates wonder if I'm legal or not. I pray for those who have no other financial and social options but to stay in Arizona and work but fear Sb1070.

I pray for change in Arizona so that we don't seem like a state of prejudice, bigotry and hate but from where I stand It's getting hard to see past it all and see all the things that make Arizona great.

It was a very Merry Christmas

Easily the best Christmas of my adult life so far.

We put up our tree (read: Ross took it out of the box and plugged it in) before thanksgiving. I just couldn't wait any longer and Ross was okay with the idea of it going up early. We strung up lights around the apartment and up the handrail on the stairs a couple weeks later. We got really into the spirit by watching tons of holiday movies like Love Actually, Elf, White Christmas, A Christmas Carol, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, and others. As soon as I got a present home I would wrap it up and stuff it under the tree to make the apartment glow a little more and to keep Ross from peeking at his presents. Ross was so sweet and got me a stocking for Christmas since we don't really do them at my parents house and I didn't have one.

It's Hello Kitty!!

I kept begging Ross to open up a present. I tried to barter gifts to open up a big one he had under the tree which was odd because I have never had trouble with waiting for christmas or being nosy with presents. He didn't budge =/ but we did open one of the candles we had gotten for ourselves because Ross got sick and it was gonna help him get better.

On Christmas eve eve I finally got Ross to open up the gift that I was most anxious for him to open.

They have an arts festival in Tempe at the beginning of December and in the spring where tons of great artists and vendors come to sell their stuff. I passed by this great booth that had ornaments you could personalize and I just couldn't pass on by without grabbing us an ornament to celebrate our first Christmas together. Hopefully we'll be able to keep on getting on ornament for each our Christmases together =)

Here was our little tree and the gifts underneath. I couldn't pick a wrapping paper for the presents this year so I opted for brown postal paper and fun ribbon. It wasn't the easiest to wrap but I like the simplicity and highlighting the beautiful ribbons.

We went to Ross' mom, Suzanne's house on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and boy did I like it there. She is so creative and has such a great eye for decoration and her house just felt like Macy's it was sooo pretty.

We went to my parents house Christmas afternoon and evening and playing a pretty fun game of White Elephant. I'm still trying to deal with the fact that I don't have a working camera (aside from my camera phone) So that is another resolution for 2011: to save up some money and buy a nice camera and find the power cord for my current pocket Nikon.

-Mari

I turned 21 (part deux)

After the little party at my place we rode over to Mill Ave. and started the night at Z Tejas with some fantastic girls from work.

The had me drinking uh-mazing margaritas and infused Patron shots that later caught up to me. They brought a piece of cake for me and everyone sang happy birthday and i just felt so loved =)

Ross, Me, Laci

The most amazing girls to work with

Shannon, Laci, Me, Carissa (missing Cydney, Mindi, and Symon)

My old friend Sandra even made it too and it had been forever since I had seen her. Made my heart grow three sizes!

Next we went to an underground dueling piano bar where the alcohol really started to kick in. Someone ordered me a skrewdriver and an Adios Mother Fucker after three very strong Margaritas and a Patron Shot.

I've known Sara since Sophomore year of HS!

I kept on telling them to get a good picture of me and Ross because since my camera broke we have so few and I feel like I'm missing out on catching important moments.

At The Big Bang they called me up on stage twice where they had us celebrating birthdays dance and the second time I came up they had me and one other girl demonstrate how to use the shake weight. I thought I was gonna die because me and Ross keep having running jokes about the shake weight and I had it on some awesome-random-weird creation pedestal that I think I squealed when they brought them out. I was thinking somewhere along the lines of "Oh my God I get to hold one!" (also I just tried to spell squealed by writing "skwelled" instead thank you college education and spell check!)

We then bar hopped to a place called College Dropouts where things quickly went south. Ross said i had moments of lucidity where I was in and out and someone had the bright idea to order me their favorite shot-tabasco and tequila. Right after taking just a sip of that I quickly made it to the bathroom and spilled my guts. All I remember is that I held up my hair, cleaned my face, and that the floor was wet. blahhhhh

Everyone said that you have to get sick on your birthday and boy was I feeling it then and the next day. I did get some battle wounds in form of random huge bruises on my legs but I learned an ever more important lesson on alcohol tolerance and now I'm really excited to be able to go out and do adult things with my 1-2 beers or mixed drink/wine.